This blog pledges to spoil your enjoyment of something every single day, simply by telling you the ending.
SPOILER ALERT!
Movies: Generally end with a credit sequence.
SPOILER ALERT!
Pencils: Long before you sharpen it down to the theoretical lower limit of pencil length (approximately 1"), you will lose it. You will not realize you lost the pencil until you need a pencil. It's loss will go unmourned.
SPOILER ALERT!
Supermarket Checkout Line: Will seem like the slowest line in the store. The cashier will hand back your change and the receipt at the same time, causing you to stop to put the receipt in the bag and the change in your pocket/purse. This will hold up the line for 5 seconds, which you will feel bad about for the next 30 minutes.
SPOILER ALERT!
Eating beans: Someone will make a joke about farting. Perfunctory chuckles will ensue.
SPOILER ALERT!
Bible (Old Testament): God will get very angry.
SPOILER ALERT!
Bible (New Testament): Jesus will arrive, then die, then come back, then leave. Then: CRAZINESS.
SPOILER ALERT!
Sandwich: Once you eat that sandwich, you're not going to have any sandwich left.
SPOILER ALERT!
Magic: Is not actually magic. Sorry.
SPOILER ALERT!
That Mail-in Rebate: Will be more hassle than it is worth.
SPOILER ALERT!
Ideas you held in college: Will seem less important. Some will seem ridiculous.
SPOILER ALERT!
The Die: Will roll a number from 1 to 6, inclusive.
SPOILER ALERT!
The Juicer: Will not be used as often as you originally claimed it would when you ordered it.
SPOILER ALERT!
Trivial Pursuit: Will be less and less fun as time passes. You will have 2 pieces of pie. Others will have more pieces than you, but no more than 4. You will want to quit, but don't want to seem like a sore loser. You wait until you are ahead so you can amicably quit the game. Others will continue playing due to respect for your choice of game. Finally, someone will yawn and say "It looks like it's time for me to turn in."
SPOILER ALERT!
This blog: Will gradually be updated less and less frequently. Each post will start with an apology for not posting. Finally, all updates will stop.
SPOILER ALERT!
You: Will die someday.
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