Blog of Guessing What Happened At Parties The Blogger Didn't Go To

Date: May 17th, 2008
Party: Crazy Wig Party, Samantha's House

So first off, everyone probably got really drunk, but on really really good booze. Hundred dollar, gold-infused booze. Then they did drugs, like really good drugs. I MEAN REALLY AMAZING DRUGS! They will never forget that party.

But I will. Because I wasn't there. I couldn't find a wig in time.


Date: July 4th, 2008
Party: Dave's 4th of July Party and BBQ

The BBQ had been slow cooking for hours. The fireworks were so loud and so amazing that clouds cried. There was a keg filled with root beer, which was used to continually fill up root beer floats. Everyone there was granted Super-American status, and now they don't have to pay taxes. But in a good way.

Ugh.


Date: August 24th, 2008
Party: Ed's Bar Private Event

First off, everyone took off their clothes. And then, sex. S-E-X.

Meanwhile, I watched Mannequin 2: On The Move in Spanish on Univision. I didn't really understand what was going on.


Date: December 19th, 2008
Party: FedEx Kinko's Management Christmas Party

Although the Secret Santas were not allowed to purchase anything over $10, each gift was genuinely touching and thought through. One person got a new car! Another got a life-saving bone marrow transplant! Christmas partys are great!

Unless you're working. To cover your manager's shift.


Date: December 25th, 2008
Party: Family's Christmas Celebration

So my whole family gathers around the tree. Everyone exchanges presents. But then, what do they find? I'm NOT there! But it doesn't matter, because they find that the biggest gift is from me, and it has a card attached which says "Thank you for being a friend."

And thanks for not offering to pay for my plane ticket home.