Friday, March 6, 2009

Tale of Fame Gone Awry a Day Blog

Every day, another tale of fame gone awry.

The first couple weeks are largely devoted to VH1-style stories of 80s hairbands and one-hit-wonders from the 1960s. Later, the blog starts devoting more time to more idiosyncratic tales, such as that of Jeremiah Brakbuck, an 1870s medicine show performer ambushed and killed during a particularly effective bout of hawking patent tonics.

The blog itself becomes more popular, and is even mentioned in People Magazine as #6 in its "Top 25 Reasons We Still Use The Internet" feature (reason #3: email; reason #1: memes). The fame brings blog commenters, which brings the certain unsavory elements we all know haunt the internet. Slinking their way past the blog's clever CAPTCHAs, they soon pull the blogger into a spiral of fame that many people believe flows clockwise in the Northern hemisphere and counterclockwise in the Southern hemisphere, but the coriolis effect just isn't that strong. Fame, however, is indeed that strong.

The blogger finds himself one night in a web 2.1 party filled with women of loose morals, none of whom are his wife. He stares into the coke covered mirror, past the delicately arranged line of Argentina snowcap, and wonders who that tired looking man with the frosted tips is. The mirror drops onto the floor. The blogger walks to the door.

It is too late. A rival blogger, founder of a blog that posts detailed measurements of his own rate of hairloss every day, has appeared unbidden to the party. There are accusations. Unclear, but forceful, angry. A scuffle. A gun appears, and true to Chekhov's dictum, it is fired. The blogger dies. Perez Hilton, crying, takes the blogger's body in his arms and says something snarky but appropriate, and then tries to "out" a C-list celebrity.

No one attends the blogger's funeral. We are all are too busy using a new social networking site in which each person can only befriend someone if they pay $1.00, half of which goes to the new friend. It is basically a pyramid scheme with the ability to post pictures, but it is awesome, for now.

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