Blog of Reasons I'm Better than You, Updated Every Day

• Do you have a blog? WELL, DO YOU?
• Hey, guess what? I've got money. Gobs of it.
• Shut up, loser.
• NINETEEN SKATEBOARDS.
• See this tattoo? It's Chinese for "Number 1 Awesome." That means that, at best, you could be Number 2 Awesome. But I doubt you're even that.
• I just updated my blog. Did you? Well, big deal. Check out the royalty chex that Google Adsense are cutting me. Can you say Kah-ching? Then say it!
• Made you flinch!
• I do a lot of volunteer work. Mostly at senior centers.
• I started wearing my hat backwards before anyone else. You're lucky if you put your pants on the right way.
• See that picture? That's a picture of Jean Claude Van Damme. AUTOGRAPHED.
  
• What's that over there? Oh, made you look! Sucker.
• I've got the shiniest fucking trophies you've ever seen.