Blog of Rejected Transformers

Robots that turn into:

• Bust of Abraham Lincoln.
  
• Turns from robot to slightly smaller robot.
• Chinaman.
• Sheet cake. (Has helper robots that are candles.)
• Broom.
• Hagrid, from the Harry Potter series.
• A Tuna Fishing Boat.
  
• Betamax player.
  
• Roomba.
• Instructional guide on how to dance the "robot."
• An idea.
  

Please note that the preceding list does not distinguish whether or not each robot was a good "Autobot," (from the greek "auto," meaning "self," and "bot," the shortened form of robot. Autobots are "self robots," or, to be more precise, "self-actualized robots," meaning they are at peace with themselves) or an evil "Decepticon," (a combination of "deceptive" and "conniving," meaning the Decepticons are decieving themselves into thinking that they are good). This is because it is not up to us to decide if a robot is good or evil, and it is not made that way. It must find its own way over time to Autobot or Decepticon.

Daily Blog That Turns Out to Be A Dream

The latest album by Arcade Fire therefore isn't there best. It has plenty of things going for it, but...WOAH!

That's so weird. I dreamt that I cared about Arcade Fire.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

Guys, if you don't treat each other with respect in the comments section, I'm going to turn off the comments. I don't have time to moderate all of these...

what?

I was dreaming about...something. Comments? What the hell?

Daily Blog of Describing Magic Tricks

Well, this doesn't seem like much of a trick. I guess he's just showing us that his sleeves roll up? Not much of a trick--HOLY SHIT WHERE'D THOSE FLOWERS COME FROM? Wow! They just appeared!

HOCUSPOCUSRAZZLEDAZZLE

So someone from the audience is up on stage. She's getting into a box. It's a normal sized box, the kind you would put a whole lot of baseball bats into. So she's getting in. Hmmm. Her legs are sticking out the edge of the box. Maybe that's the trick? That he cut holes in the box? He's spinning the box around now, which is a nice trick. Clearly the box has a sturdy set of track wheels on the bottom, which can be hard to attach to a box like that...wait. He's got a saw. Is he going to saw the wheels off of the box, so it's immobile?

No...he's sawing the box in half! That fool! Did he forget that he just put a woman inside there? Someone better tell him that box isn't empty! Why can't he see that there's a woman in that box! HER LEGS ARE STICKING OUT OF THE BOTTOM, AND HER HEAD OUT OF THE TOP! Say something, woman!

Oh god...oh god oh god oh god. She's been cut clean in half. Oh god oh god...there's less blood than I'd expect...but I Can't watch. This is a dark day for magic, people...

Wait. He put her back together. Well, this seems to be lucky. She's okay! Oh thank god.

HOCUSPOCUSRAZZLEDAZZLE

Okay, this guy has shuffled the deck. Not magic, but impressive. Now someone has to pull out a card. Maybe there is a string attached to the card?

No strings, apparently. We have to memorize the card. Well, it's the 5 of clubs. Nothing magical about that. That's a card that could appear in any nonmagical deck.

Now he's put the card back in the deck. Apparently, he's given up on the trick. He's just shuffling the deck up. Excuse me, I have been directed to look into my pocket. Well, someone left a 5 of clubs in my pocket. That is quite the coincidence, isn't it?

I wonder when this trick will start?

Blog of Dangerous Effects From Simple Foods

The Peanut Butter Larvae

The Peanut Butter Larvae lives inside peanut butter. There is no way to test for it. Once you eat it, your days are numbered. THIS THING LIVES IN ORDINARY PEANUT BUTTER, PEOPLE! The only way to know if your peanut butter has been contaminated is through a visual inspection. The average Peanut Butter Larvae is 3 inches long, and bright pink. DO NOT EAT PEANUT BUTTER CONTAMINATED WITH PEANUT BUTTER LARVAE.


The Oreo Cookie Virus

Eating even a single Oreo cookie with the Oreo virus in it can be instantly fatal. There have been THOUSANDS of cases of Oreo Cookie virus in the media, several of them have almost been confirmed. The only way to avoid getting the Oreo cookie virus is through prayer, because let's be honest: it's not like you're going to stop eating cookies. EVEN IF THEY COULD KILL YOU.


Restaurant Ketchup Botulism


Restaurant Ketchup Botulism can be caught from Restaurant Ketchup. Not even using restaurant ketchup. JUST THINKING ABOUT IT. BE SCARED.

Blog That Will Devour All Other Blogs, Every Day

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Daily Blog of Suspicious Activities

• Questioning Authority
• Repeating Statements Made by Authorities in a Sarcastic Manner
• Comparing Actions Made by the Authorities to 1984 or Animal Farm
• Evasive Smirking
• Speaking in Pig Latin
• Listening to Pink Floyd's "The Wall" More Than Once a Half-Decade
• Loud, Angry Sighing
• Buttering Bread That is Not Your Own
• Offering A High Five, But Then Removing Hand Ostentatiously and Declaring "Too Slow."

Daily Blog of the Day's Date

June 16th:

Today is June 16th.


June 17th:

Today is June 17th.


June 18th:

Today is June 18th.


June 20th:

Today is June 20th. Sorry about missing that post yesterday.


June 23rd:

Today is June 23rd.


July 18th:

Today is July 18th. Sorry I haven't been updating, I've been super busy at work.


July 30th:

Just installed Google Adsense. Trying to make a bit of money on this blog. I'll also try to update more.


August 1st:

Today is August 1st. Remember to click on the ad links!


August 26th:

Again, sorry for not updating. Oh, it's August 26th.


September 19th:

This blog will be shutting down.